WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE?

Being a teenager was brutal: Squeezing into fashion trends which didn’t suit my body, {ultimately ending in tears}, guys, girlfriends, parents, sneaking out and being grounded; going to school all week, studying, working part time – don’t forget the gym and finally thanking god when the weekend arrived…but that’s not all I found it to be.

All the above compared to what was about to follow was a walk in the park.

I first heard the whispers at 16, and didn’t really think much of it, come 18 these whispers turned into a raging warfare. The little voice in my head became the big voice and as the months rolled over, it became a more prominent fixation on the mantelpiece of my mind.

This was the voice of the quarter-life-crisis, but why was it coming now? Quarter life by my calculations– despite the fact I dropped maths in year 11 and 12, is actually 25, and NOT 18!

All I would hear for 8 years straight was:

Complete and utter hell I tell you. I mean how are you supposed to know what you want to do when you leave school before you’ve even been given a taste of the real world?

How could you possibly know the answer to any of those questions, when you haven’t even got your head around what subject you’re going to blindly pick out to study at university, on the basis of how much money you can earn in the future, and whether you have some sort of interest in it that’ll prove you can probably graduate with a pass in the absolute worst case scenario.

Well let me tell you as someone who has found the answer to her quarter-life-crisis by 25 (earlier than most); it wasn’t smooth sailing! However, there are some steps you can take to ease the pain, anxiety and unhappiness these questions can bring up for you.

Firstly, it’s normal. It’s totally normal to not know. You are not the only one out there who has had your head hijacked by the quarter-life-crisis. Yes, there are some people who just knew from the get go that their purpose in life is to be an actor, a doctor, a father or mother; or even a veterinarian. For the rest of us, sometimes it means going in one direction and at some point down the track checking in with ourselves, realising we’re not happy and making a fast right, or a complete U-turn if necessary.

Here is what I call the Big 4. These are my 4 Fundamentals that I believe life can be brought back to. I speak on these and use them in my coaching sessions with clients, as they are a great tool for learning awareness and for checking in with yourself and the issues at hand. They’re so basic and that’s why they’re so effective and I personally truly live by these each day.

THE BIG 4

// Listen

Listen to yourself. Your internal dialogue. Listen to what the little voice is saying because once you get past the ego, there’s the spirit and that has all the answers for you. You might actually catch yourself out speaking unkindly to yourself. Notice it. Accept it and don’t allow it to happen again. Start to change the dialogue you play in your mind.

Secondly, listen to others when they speak. I bet if I got you to think about the last conversation you had, the majority of you didn’t really listen to what the other person was saying. There was probably another commentary running on what you wanted to say next, what was for dinner, where that little black dress is or if it were you parent, some potentially obscenities and internal eye-rolls. It takes practice to master the art of really listening. Start today.

// Be Curious & Ask Questions

Until the day you die, remain curious. The more curious you are the more you are inclined to learn and find out your thoughts and feelings on a variety of things, which will in turn be a stepping stone to uncovering your passion and the answer to “What am I supposed to do with my life.”

Ask yourself questions. Explore the inner thoughts and workings of you. Journalling is one way of doing this. Otherwise gentle questions right before you doze off are excellent because it is at this time when you are able to really connect to your subconscious mind.

Ask yourself on a daily basis: What am I passionate? Then listen for the answer within. If nothing comes up, try again and if it seems futile try it before bed. Above all be patient, you might not get answers straight away, but if you persist you will be surprised with what comes up.

Ask questions where you work/study, if you’re unsure or need clarification. Asking a question doesn’t indicate your stupid or incapable, it shows you’re curious and you care about the topic enough to want to know what/why and also how best to go about something. Feedback is a very valuable tool and so is open communication. Both are a result of asking questions.

// Know You Are in the Right Place

This one I cannot stress enough and has been learned through my own life experience. It’s about trusting that whatever comes your way is all part of the journey and it will all work out in the end. Looking at things in this light takes the pressure off. Know that you cannot make a wrong decision, because in the moment you make the decision it is the right choice.

Whenever it seems the sky is falling, take a deep breath, centre yourself and remind yourself to trust the process. Trust life. If you can practice this in the more challenging times, you will expand your comfort zone and you grow. Over time things start to hold less anxiety and stress – you might even find the little things that used to bother and cause you to lose sleep no longer have this effect.

// Have Fun!

Life is about having fun. This world is our playground. Do things that make you happy, explore, stretch yourself, learn to play an instrument, learn to surf or skateboard or do the things you’ve told yourself in the past you cannot do. You’ll be surprised at how much you actually can do.

Yes, we all face the so-called “daily grind” but it doesn’t have to be that way. Change the way you see the world, look through a new lens. Soon enough, “daily grind” won’t fit your concept of the world because you’ll be living one filled with passion and excitement for the challenges and adventures ahead. Beauty is all around, love and fun is all around us – you’ve just got to wake up and see it.

You only get to live this-life once over, so make sure when the time comes and it’s your last lap on the playground and you finally close your eyes, you can smile and say, “Gosh, that was FUN!”

Remember, it’s okay not have all the answers; it’s okay not to know. But if you can take yourself back to the Big 4 when it all seems too much, it will bring it all back into perspective for you. Go and be great!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Monica Kade is the director of Career Confession and Gen Y’s Expert Coach, Inspirational Speaker and Mentor for finding Passion and Direction in life. Monica has interviewed over 100 Australian & International Entrepreneurs, Executives & Celebrities on how they got to where they are in their career. The website Career Confessions, is 12 signature questions designed to inspire action in our readers and guide them in the direction of their dream career.
Her mission in coaching is to inspire action and facilitate change in order for her clients to live their passion and life to their fullest.

For further guidance or any questions, check out www.careerconfessions.com.au or email mk@monicakade.com

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